London Calling

Well, it's official. Yours truly will be spending her summer sipping PG Tips and eating Bubble and Squeak in Merry Old England. I spoke with the London office today (how cool does that sound?) and confirmed that I'll be joining them as a Legal Intern for the summer. Sounds like it's going to be about 90% Guantanamo Bay and 10% Death Penalty work. I'm stoked.

I still haven't heard back about the El Salvador program. But I'm thinking I'm just going to go to London for the whole time anyway. It'll give me more of an opportunity to get really involved with the internship. And considering there was discussion about Supreme Court briefs, District Court motions, and national press conferences, I think there will be plenty of exciting things going on to keep me interested for the ten or so weeks I'll be there.

I am an Orphan Girl

A dear friend lost her father last week. The service is tomorrow. I called her this morning since it's been weighing heavily on my mind just to let her know I'm thinking about her. Losing a parent is a terrible thing. There's nothing in my experience that compares with the deep and utter disconnect you feel when the source of your life no longer exists. Like all of a sudden there is nothing that binds you to the rest of humanity. A broken branch on a family tree. I have spent a lot of time pondering my belly button these last few years.

The other day when I was mulling things over, it occurred to me that the desperate finality you feel when someone so close to you is taken away must be so much more profound when it's your only remaining parent. And when I spoke with my friend on the phone she likened it to being orphaned. And that struck me because, like I told her, that's been a refrain in my life.

Our conversation left me with a heavy weight in my chest and that tightness you get in the back of your throat when a floodgate of tears is about to break open. So I called my Daddy. I didn't tell him why I was calling. I just listened to him as he rambled about his computer problems, his latest health issues, how is dogwoods are blooming...I told him about my moot court brief, my plans for the summer, and admonished him about the things he's not doing to take care of his health...and then he sang me a song. Now you may not know my Daddy, but I'm here to tell you that there is no sweeter sound in the world than his singing voice. And I just closed my eyes and let it fill my ears, taking me back to long drives in the country, dad in the front singing silly roundelays; quiet nights in rocking chairs soothing me to sleep with lullabies, or early Sunday mornings waking up to him pounding out spirituals on the baby grand.

Today I'm grateful and keenly aware of how fleeting life is; of how important these connections and relationships are to who I am. And of how fortunate I am to have them even for the short time they're granted to me - until the day when I too am an orphan girl.

Note to Self

Do not read old love letters from your husband. Do not remind yourself how crazy he used to be about you. Do not dream about him anymore. Do not whisper his name under your breath when you are missing him. Do not wish he were there when you crawl into your cold bed at night. Do not associate smells with him. Do not remember his smell. Do not listen to any of the CD's you acquired during the 10 years of your relationship. Do not talk to your cat about him. And, for god's sake, DO NOT blog about him.

Dreaming Ahead*

Yesterday I found out about a semester program in Tokyo that I may do next Spring. How cool would that be? Still no news on El Salvador. Still no news on London. I'm in summer employment limbo right now and it's driving me nuts. Just watch, I'll probably end up working at REI for minimum wage again. Screw that, if it comes down to it I'll just backpack through Mexico for a couple of months. I just feel the need to get out of here for a little while. I feel the need to do something that's going to remind me of why I came to law school in the first place. I know it would come with a whole other set of problems: what to do with my place, what to do with my cat, how the hell to finance my world tour, etc. But those are problems I would welcome. I just need some fresh air, you know?

Last night I had dinner and drinks with some old friends. Then I had drinks and a strawberry hookah with a new one. SF has been treating me well lately. I love it here. But the wanderlust is definitely kicking in again. We'll see where it takes me this time.

"Yo llevo en el cuerpo un dolor que no me deja respirar. Llevo en el cuerpo una condena que siempre me echa caminar." - Manu Chao


*Mad props and a special prize for the first person who gets the reference.

It's Friday...You Ain't Got No Job...

Woo hoo! I finally turned in my paper and I am in the best mood imaginable. NO MORE LRW. And I had my interview for El Salvador right after, which went really really well. At least I think it did. Except for the part when one of the interviewers said, "So now we'd like you to talk in Spanish for a little while. Maybe you could just talk about law school or whatever." Okaaaay. So I was like, "Um... bueno, uh....me gusta la ley..." Just kidding. I rocked it. Hard. Fingers crossed.

I'm actually pretty scared about not getting it since I have a friend who interviewed for a summer death penalty project, rocked the interview, and then didn't get it. Seriously, if they weren't climbing over each other to get her on the project, there is something very wrong with the world. And of course, now that I've learned more about the program I want it even more. Will keep you posted.

And now it's the weekend and I've got friends coming into town who should be arriving imminently. And then more friends coming on Monday. Oh yeah! And this weekend I found out about two other visitors I'll be receiving in April! Anyone else want to swing by?

Peter wants me and Bruno to drive down to Santa Cruz for a visit. Sounds great, but I'm a little hesitant because he keeps promising to take me to some hippy dippy all-nude hot springs. Not sure I'm so down with that.

Have a great weekend everyone! I can't wait to start celebrating! It's never too early for a Bloody Mary, right? Ahhh, breakfast drinks. God bless America.