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As you may have noticed I've been a little depressed lately. I've been fighting the good fight by doing everything I know to do in situations like these (breathing, spending time with friends, being patient with myself, taking time out when I need to, being grateful for what I have, cuddling Tofu, etc.) but nothing seems to work. It's definitely been affecting me though. In the last few weeks I have been magnetically drawn to my bed like it has its own gravitational force. I haven't answered my phone in days. I cry as unexpectedly as a summer shower. And I've noticed a serious dropoff in my ability to concentrate. And when I'm reading things like this...

"The Side Agreements process is thus responsive to political realities between the parties, but is not nearly so uncertain a trade adjustment process as there would be if those political realities were left unstructured among the parties. It is aimed at achieving predictability and reliability by encouraging and directing political accommodation within a constructive, organized legal process of dispute resolution."

It's no wonder it takes me about 5 times as long to get anything done. (I think I actually read that sentence twelve times before giving up to blog.) And I've had a lot of other things on my mind too. Things like change. And orchids. And Austin. My therapy sessions have been giving me a lot to chew on as well. And let me tell you, that shit is heavy.

I've been meaning to get across the street to Amoeba and pick myself up a copy of Danse Macabre. I'm pretty sure that would make me happy. It always used to. And I got my Halloween costume yesterday, or at least the beginnings of it. I'm thinking it's going to end up being something along the lines of "Geisha Ninja". And I'm really excited about my trip to Austin. Hopefully the NLG convention will supply me with a healthy dose of inspiration (something I am very much in need of). And I'm thinking that just being back home will be a good chance to catch up with friends and get some much needed love and support, especially since I'll be arriving on my anniversary. The distraction of travel (and mexican martinis) will definitely be welcome. But on the other hand, there's probably not a sight, sound or smell that won't remind me of him.

I just got a text message from my dad. The first one he's ever sent me. I didn't even know he had text messaging. The text: "Aunt Crissy just died." For some reason it reminds me of a quote I've been pondering for the last few days:

"Change is one thing, progress is another." - Bertrand Russell

I think it's time to head to Amoeba.